He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize