I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
