i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
