Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
