Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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