i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
