I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
