Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
