The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
