Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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