Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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