I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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