HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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