I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
