Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
