yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
