did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
