Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
