Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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