I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize