Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
