I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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