i don't like sucking hair
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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