If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
