One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize