you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize