One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
