Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
