Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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