so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
