I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You took a bar mat shot.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
