i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
