And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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