I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
