fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize