i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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