She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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