I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
