batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I think your dad took our porno
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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