It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize