That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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