That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize