I can text with my tongue
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize