I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
As shirtless as possible
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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