im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
