Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
