I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I want you more than these girls want KFC
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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