just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
