My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
