Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
