You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize