tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I checked into jail on foursquare
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
