O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
