The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize