You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
