And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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