So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
