I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
