I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
he's single and there are thong briefs.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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