I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
