consequently i now know what mace tastes like
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
