we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
