tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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