I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
