You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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